Private Life

Paul Giamatti, Kathryn Hanh

Molly Shannon, Emily Robinson

NETFLIX

This drama tinged with some dry humor is set in New York and deals with a couple struggling with infertility problems. Richard Grimes (Paul Giamatti) and Rachel Biegler (Kathryn Hanh) are a typical couple, probably in their 40s. Richard teaches while Rachel is an author, their flat is surrounded with books, they live comfortably but their inability to conceive the natural way is taking a heavy toll on their marriage as well as their physical health and mental state.

Countless blood tests, retrieval of eggs, artificial insemination and the tortuous IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) are very strenuous for couples. Rachel and Richard though have this relentless spirit, they don't give up. Failure after failure doesn't slow them down. 

Soon enough, their niece Sadie who is taking a 'break' from studying at college (because she is lost and wants "to find herself") is more comfortable staying with them than with her parents.  They agree because it feels nice to have someone else in their house, sort of a distraction from their tedious "task".

By this time, Richard & Rachel are exploring other means of being parents. They decide on hiring a surrogate to carry their baby for them. They make a bold move by asking Sadie if she is willing to be their surrogate. She agrees because it was the  least she could do for them, her favorite persons in the whole world.

Here are issues I had with Sadie's agreement: First, she is only 18 years old, too young to be responsible. She can't even commit to finishing her studies. I know she won't be the mother, but still it was a huge responsibility to ask of a 'child'. Second, they didn't even check her medical history. Does she have any underlying conditions or can she even carry a baby to term? Third, Sadie is too close to them. She is their blood relation. 

I won't reveal, if they were successful or not in their attempts to conceive.

Director Tamara Jenkins does a great job in showcasing their journey towards parenthood. Paul Giamatti and Kathryn Hanh were perfect in their roles, relying solely on their great acting skills and their palpable chemistry. They really imbibed the true nature of couples dealing with infertility. From their physical appearance, the endless talks about their options, to the heavy toll the constant pressures and stress took on their marriage.

I absolutely felt each of their heartaches, their pains, their feeling of being incomplete. Because, me too I struggled with infertility.  I was already 41 years old when we tried to conceive.  I had to spend 3 days a week at the hospital for TVS (ultrasounds), numerous blood tests. I also had to drink several fertility medicines daily, until it got to the point where I needed to be injected with HCG for follicles production, every other day. 

It was a vicious cycle of hospital visits and painful injections. It took a huge toll on my mental well being. I would cry to sleep every time I had 'negative' results in the pregnancy tests. I would easily cry whenever I saw babies, anywhere. I was an extremely troubled chapter in my married life.

After two years of trying, we simply quit and accepted that we are not meant to be parents. The sooner I accepted it, the better I felt. I have no regrets though. At least we tried until our bodies and our bank account surrendered to God's almighty will.

So "Private Life" felt so raw and genuine because there aren't many movies which tackle infertility problems with such precision. I like that the film wasn't too technical and instead focused on the journey of two wonderful persons who are willing to do anything to be parents. That, for me is the true measure of  L.O.V.E.